i am scared of my past.
i am scared of my past. scared of what i might find if i return there.
afraid of dealing with people i have not dealt with for some time.
some who i intended to cut off forever. now it looks like i will be
returning sooner than i intended. and ill have to deal with my
parents. my employers. my friends. so many people who are so distant
from me here. its scarcely been two months and yet in that time ive
changed so much. become so much i never was. discovered so much about
life. about myself. will my friends be able to deal with what ive
become. will i be able to deal with them. or even the society ill be
reintegrated into. i sit now so distanced from middle class suburbia.
sickened even. how can i put out of my mind what ive seen. what ive
felt. i cant. its changed me. i am no longer middle class. my brothers
are on the street and i can never deny that. i must find a new way to
live within a class i despise. with people of that class who were my
friends. who are my friends. i am scared we will no longer know each
other. we will no longer have common ground. i am scared.
muse@musespace.com