relationships have stabilised. does this mean stagnation. wondering. the joys
of meeting someone new. undefined relationships. you could hate them. love
them. they could become your best friend. occasional acquaintance. lover.
someone you talk to only over the phone. or go do things with. maybe never
talk. playing basketball. fucking all the time. meeting someone new. and
you might learn and teach. and you have all possibilities open in that first
second of meeting. then things begin to set. doors closing. as you get to
know them. and you start choosing certain types of relationships. they
become a friend. or not. you tell each other intimate details. or talk
superficial happenings. your physical interactions become set. how close
you sit. whether you hug or just shake hands. if you make love every sunday
afternoon at three. things stabilise.
but the way these things have set. always some predefined pattern. subtle
variations of. even when they change from being set. always to some new
defined pattern. i want to explore relationships as something in themselves
to explore. people are afraid when they enter unknown territory. undefined
types. so many people don't know how to react when they haven't already been
told how. they don't want to try to figure it out. we see. ways society
tells us how couples act. girl friends. guy friends. spouses. parent-child.
but people start getting confused. don't know how to act if they want to be
friends with an old boyfriend/girlfriend. or how do you act when you are
fucking someone who is only a friend.
going further. i want to take my relationships and force them out of warp.
redefine. search for new definitions that haven't been created yet. explore
those on the edge. an almost stranger perhaps who comes over every once in
a while and pours hot wax on my back. someone to compete against and learn
out of. programming computers. something different. more than just chess
partners. still i am in territory people have explored. further.....
perhaps with one person i will never use words. always write. hand gestures.
another i will only see in the park. once a month. and tell my deepest and
darkest fantasies. nothing else. vox defined new relationships. so does the
internet. computers. even watching television. strange bizarre relationships
are these between us and the people on the screen. someone i only see on
videotape. electronic visual discussions. letters. sent back and forth (a
room in a club. go in. lock the door. videotapes. a vcr. tv. video camera.
watching other people talking. videotaping yourself. some kind of response
to them. and later on. as they react to you reacting to them). so many
possibilities. still not far enough. i must think of more. then stop thinking
and begin to explore.