talking to shannon
last night. i went to see shannon. we talked. i told her of my plans.
she knew already. ben. we talked of what she was doing. shes applying
to tyler school of art next year. she really wants to get in. i hope
she does. she doesnt want to have a baby right now. which is good.
because shes decided to wait. she loves tom. theyre
engaged to be married. one year and a half.
her mother. crazy. "why isnt tom here?" "because he isnt" "didnt he
want to come over?" "i didnt ask him because i didnt know if he was
allowed and tim showed up." "but why isnt he here?" "do you want him
here mom?" "no, but i just thought he would be here." whiney voice.
like a childs. a childs mind. shannon cares for her. explains things
to her. "why did leslie get me candied almonds?" "because she thought
you liked them?" "but i cant eat candy." "but she doesnt know that.
you never told her." "she should know i cant eat candy. ive been going
to the dentist. she knows i go there." "but she doesnt know you cant
eat candy." "its common sense, shani. she just doesnt care about me."
"yes she does, mom. she knew you liked almonds. so she got you some."
"but not candy almonds. ive never eaten candied almonds before. shes
never seen me eat candy almonds before. now has she." "maybe she
thought youd like to try them." "but she knows i cant eat candy." "no
she doesnt." shannons voice is soft. gentle. she talks like a mother
soothing her child. but it is her mother she is soothing. her mother
who is truly just a child. shannon tries to calm her. in ways a
sibling would a child under parental punishment. shannons mom has been
crying. "why did daddy yell at me?" "because daddy's a little cranky."
"but why did he have to yell at me, shani? all i did was forget
tims
name." "hes a little edgy over the holidays. he gets in a bad mood."
"but he called me a name, shani. i dont like it when he calls me a
name. he called you a name the other day. you dont like it when he
calls you names, do you?" "he's just tired from work." "but i try to
read my book, but he's got me so upset i dont know who the characters
are." "why dont you call bubba. do you want to talk to bubba?" "and
leslie called me a bitch. whyd she have to do that?" she begins to cry
again. "she was upset because you rejected her chanukah gift." "but
she knows i cant eat candy. i told her i wanted pajamas. she knew what
i wanted." "mom, leslie doesnt have the money to get you pajamas. she
thought youd like this." "but i gave her twenty dollars." "but mom,
she has to get gifts for her friends too. she cant spend the whole
twenty dollars on you." "but look what she got her friends [pairs of
socks, a christmas stocking, a bracelet]. why she spend so much on
them? shouldnt she be spending more on me? after all she has lots of
friends. im her only mom. how much do you think this costs?" "it
doesnt matter how much it costs. its the thought. at least she got you
something." "yeah, at least she got me something. but im her only
mom." "call one of your jewish friends mom." "okay."
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