Writings...................book

going out there

a man once said that to get to where you were going you had to go out there and forget. forget your reason for leaving. forget to where you were going. so perhaps i never really knew where i was going. i thought i was going out to san francisco to become some famous artiste. where i could make subtle artistic renderings to make fun of the world around me, or enlighten it. where i could explore life in some limited secure way. but the journey there changed my destination. threw me out into the world ultimately on a search for myself.

and in ways ive arrived. ive not become that muse i spoke about to rebecca all those years ago. for the most part i wouldnt even call myself a muse anymore. except when fire and others might say, you may not be a muse to everyone, but you were a muse to me. and perhaps in some way that is where ive become a muse. inspiring those around me. those that i really care about. those who inspire me.

a time of my life is closing as i write this. a time that will never come again. through all my life so far, these past three years, written here. are the ones i remember most fondly. they were a time when i was alive with life. learning and discovering and trying to tell others of that discovery. that time is not over for me, but the ways are now different. i have a career and an apartment. and when next i may decide to throw it all away again for the life of the road, it will be another time and things will have changed. this time of my life is at an end.

so when the ship lifts, no regrets, eh? my story is at an end. and like most stories, it continues on even after the last word has been spoken. i hope its been inspiring, enlightening, entertaining. i may never write another book. in which case others will have to write more for me. as the nike commercial says, never put a hold on life.

no time, need, desire to drag this out. the time is done. i leave you no longer as artiste, muse. but as myself. a person who is many things to many people, all of them as one. so now we (you, i, the world) curtsey the final bow and open life to the infinite of possibilities. (to learn, to create, to inspire, to live)

sometime in the morning you wake up and its all a blur. last night. last week. your entire life.

- 23. December 1995
Trevor Lohrbeer, Artiste, Muse


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