last night i walked among the stars
last night i walked among the stars. danced with the oneness of
everything and everyone. last night i became god. everyone and
everything. everywhere. i wondered in a great space of nothingness. the
great shamanic ritual. everything they always said. it was true. it was
true. i thought i had touched it before. for moments of letting go into.
but it was nothing like being there. wandering and i kept thinking. oh
fuck. this is it. i dont want this. i dont want to be here. but it kept
forcing itself into my world. that we are all one. and showed me in a
way words cannot explain. for a time i didnt exist. or i did, but
everywhere. but i dont really know. because ive tried to forget. and i
knew even then my mind wasnt ready to comprehend. but how was i going to
deal with this when it all ended. because i have some vague impression
that i came from somewhere to be here and would return there at a time as
well. this vague feeling of a person who existed who was experiencing
all of this. but often i would get confused between people. taking a
piss. i didnt understand what the thing i was pissing out of was. or why
it was there. i would wonder why when i scratched my lip other people
wouldn't feel it. for a long time i would stare at my feet. and wonder
if i was dancing. asking jenna. no i wasnt. for a long time there was
just a vague feeling of a reality pushing in. then, slowly. returning as
jenna talked. my anchor tying me to this reality. drawing me back. as i
became aware of candy-flipping at a rave somewhere in richmond.
during the night i remember moments. like standing on the balcony as carlos
spun. and hearing him cut. the three dimensional sound moving. creating a
space of another. or in a love puddle on the floor. talking to jenna. asking
her if we where having a fight or an intellectual conversation. because i
was in so many realities. on so many levels. i didnt know which one she was
fixed to. watching the laser. but so much of the night was a trance. not
here. but somewhere here and not here. out there. exploring that inner space
of the universe. they always said it was true. and now i wish i never knew
it was. because my life has forever changed. and i havent figured out how
to deal with that. i think it will be a very long time before i do. and to
understand fully. someday. far away, hopefully. i will have to go back.
to learn and explore. and be one with everything. again.
muse@musespace.com