remembering tabitha
remembering tabitha. rereading letters written. never given. i loved her. love her.
intenseness. the understanding. but we were never meant for each other. and i knew
that then. and still i ignore it. sometimes. more than love. as i wrote. envy. i
wanted. want to be her. her memory. experiences. i always wanted to be a woman.
when a child. to play with dolls. and dress in skirts and stockings. looking pretty.
long hair i was never allowed to have as a child. and everything they could do with it.
later. as i grew. envy. of the sexuality. everything a woman can do sexually. so many
more combinations than a man. and i envy all the things shes done. as shes told me. and
i wanted to be her and do them. so she was my best friend there. because she understood
a part of me. and i think i understood a part of her. but the rest is drifting. floating
in darkness. away.
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